Whatever happened to beautiful classical literature in our public schools, where students read about the lives of real heroes, from whom they can learn and emulate great character traits? It appears now that the adjectives of choice for literature in the classroom are either gross or funny, and the grosser - the funnier – the better. Teachers or students don’t seem to have any expectations that moral teachings or redeeming values will be learned – just that students will be entertained.

A few years ago, I was substitute teaching in the first grade for a school in Santa Rosa, CA. I found in the classroom library a shocking illustrated book for their silent reading time. It was entitled All About Farts and showed various animals and the "farts" that they produce and ended with a page about human farts showing a little boy and a grown man, naked in a hot tub together with bubbles from their bottoms coming up to the surface. I thought at the time, this is gross. Who in their right mind would want a child to read such a book? What redeeming value could this possibly have? What can a child learn from such a book?

Last week I found a book that was even grosser. I was teaching the fourth grade in a school in Healdsburg, CA. The teacher’s lesson plan asked for me to read to the students after lunch. The book she left for me on the desk was called The Day My Butt Went Psycho by supposedly a best-selling Australian author, Andy Griffiths. The front cover goes on to say, "The epic tale of one brave boy and his crazy, runaway butt." It was published in 2001 by Scholastic, the same company that published the Harry Potter books and so many other books used in the classroom, such as the Goosebump series.

During the morning recess I previewed the book and decided it is exactly what the author says it is on the back cover. He gives it a G rating for "gross - contains immature material not suited for adults." In the forward, he states that it is only suited for readers 18 and younger. Adults might be offended by it. So, does that mean that only children’s minds are to be corrupted by gross things, and adults are to not be concerned about it?

The story is about a little boy who wakes up in the night to find that his "bottom," (I’m sorry, as a child I was taught that "butt’ was as bad as any other four-letter swear word, so from now on I will refer to it as bottom) has gone off to join a rebellious group of other bottoms who are out "mooning" people on the side of the road and creating disturbances. The boy has to put on an artificial bottom to go try to get his real one back. His cat goes with him. He finds his bottom, but as he is trying to grab it, it shoots a "fart" out on the cat and nearly kills it and then runs away again. The boy then has one adventure after another chasing his run-away bottom. To quote the summary written on the Andy Griffith’s web site, the boy goes across the "Great Windy Desert, through the Brown Forest, and over the Sea of Bums before descending into the heart of an explosive bumcano to confront the biggest, ugliest and meanest bum of all." I skipped to the last chapter where he finally gets his repentant bottom back and throws away the artificial one.

The book even comes with a glossary of terms at the end with such descriptive words and their definitions as: "Fart – a small explosion between the legs;" "Great Windy Desert" – the place where old farts blow themselves out and form enormous stink tornadoes;" "Laxative Launcher – a butt gun that fires laxatives, used for neutralizing enemy fire by causing butts to lose control."

After my preview I decided this entire book was gross, and I would refuse to read it to the class. I told the children exactly why I was not reading it. I told them if their parents knew they were being read to out of such an offensive book, they probably would not like it either. A boy then raised his hand and said, "But it was the mother of a boy in class who brought the book and recommended it to the teacher as a very funny book." That really shocked me! I thought to myself, "What kind of parent would think this was an appropriate book to read for school children?" I told them, "There is a difference between clean humor and dirty humor. The humor in this book is on the equivalent with "toilet talk," what little five-year olds use to try to get attention. You are in the 4^th Grade. You’re supposed to be older and wiser than five-year olds. Good humor is uplifting and makes you feel good inside, not embarrassed. Literature is to have some redeeming value to it or otherwise it is a total waste of time." I also told them that most of them are surrounded by so much fantasy in books, television, and movies that it is good sometimes to read and learn about reality. That was why I had chosen to read about some real American heroes and how they have lived their lives and over come great odds against them.

I let them choose between a book about Teddy Roosevelt who overcame a sickly weak body and went on to become big and strong and the President of the United States, or Helen Keller who had a fever as a 2-year old baby and could no longer see or hear and how she was able to achieve great accomplishments in spite of that, and was the first deaf and blind person to attend college. She was admitted to Radcliff, the women’s college of her day, which was on the equivalent of Harvard University. And she graduated "cum laude" (with honors.) The majority of the class wanted to hear about Helen Keller, so that is what we read. It kept the attention of most of the students, especially the girls, who you could see were really empathizing with her and her sad, difficult life until she could finally learn to communicate. I just read excerpts from it so I could tell them the whole story. While I was reading, one of the boys who was one of those who most insisted on what he called the "Butt Book" being read, started a petition around demanding that whoever their next substitute teacher was that she read the "Butt Book." I left it on the teacher’s desk. A lot of the kids who had signed it, came up later and scratched their name off the list.

In the meantime I have done more research on the author, Andy Griffiths. He won several Australian Literature awards for his "Just" Series of children books: Just Annoying, ("See what it takes to be the most annoying kid in the world"); Just Stupid; Just Crazy, and Just Kidding, ("Kidding and practical jokes to the extreme.") He is working on the fifth Just Book – Just Disgusting! Obviously the judges giving out these awards like books that have shock value, not any redeeming value. Andy has also recently finished a stage version of his book, The Day My Butt Went Psycho. Won’t that be delightful to see all sorts of little bare bottoms on the stage?

Here are some comments that critics say about Griffith’s books: "Andy Griffith’s books are wilder, crazier, grosser, and better than ever." "Children aren’t going to learn much of any benefit from this book – in fact they may pick up a few tricks you wish they’d never had." Marie Low, The Cairns Post. "Deliciously vile writing, speaking to the puerile inner child in all of us…" Sydney Morning Herald; and "The cheeky tale, which lives up to its bizarre title, is indicative of Andy Griffiths’ gleefully absurd humor." The Daily Telegraph.

Griffith’s books have the reputation of being gross, course, wild, crazy, vile, silly, absurd, childish, cheeky, and have no benefit other than giving students wrong ideas and tricks parents would not want them to know about. Then why are they being read in a classroom? Children tend to imitate what they see or hear. The grosser - the more it stays in their memory banks and they act out what they have learned. Are these the kind of qualities a teacher would want her students to remember and emulate?

Another reason why I am concerned and offended by Griffiths’ books, I believe they are directly opposite of what teachers are supposed to be teaching in the classroom - morality, manners, decency, and dignity. California ED Code 233.5a states: "Each teacher shall endeavor to impress upon the minds of the pupils the principles of morality, truth, justice, patriotism, and a true comprehension of the rights, duties, and dignity of American citizenship . . . to teach them to avoid idleness, profanity, and falsehood, and to instruct them in manners and morals . . ."

Griffith’s books are teaching just the opposite of morality, dignity or proper manners. Many of the words in his books would be classified as profane. They are certainly not words that one would use to teach dignity, refinement, or proper manners. I urge all teachers with any sense of dignity and propriety to please follow the ed code and try to elevate your students not degrade them. If the "Butt Book" or anything like it appears in your classroom, give it back or throw it away.